Friday, June 1, 2012

Funny Fridays: A Mother's Dictionary

( some of these don't apply to us anymore but they are still funny)

A Mother's Dictionary

 AMNESIA A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
 BOTTLE FEEDING An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too.
 DEFENSE What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
 DROOLING How teething babies wash their chins.
 DUMBWAITER One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
 FAMILY PLANNING The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
 FEEDBACK The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
 FULL NAME What you call your child when you're mad at him.
 GRANDPARENTS The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
 HEARSAY What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
 IMPREGNABLE A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
 INDEPENDENT How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
 LOOK OUT! What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
 PRENATAL When your life was still somewhat your own.
 PREPARED CHILDBIRTH A contradiction in terms.
 PUDDLE A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
 SHOW OFF A child who is more talented than yours.
 STERILIZE What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
 STOREROOM The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
 TEMPER TANTRUMS What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
 TOP BUNK Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
 TWO-MINUTE WARNING When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
 VERBAL Able to whine in words.
 WEAKER SEX The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
 WHODUNIT None of the kids that live in your house.
 WHOOPS! An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

2 comments:

  1. These are great! I think I could relate to, oh, about 100% of them.

    ReplyDelete

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