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I've been having one of those days...weeks....past few years. You know....when you don't feel anything's quite right but you can't put your finger on it.
When all you can see is the dark and not the light. Even though you see glimpses of it....it never quite stays long enough. I have no real, huge, life changing reason to feel this way. Just a bunch of little things that over time add up to be very heavy to hold.
You start questioning everything..your self, your faith...your life. Why are you here? What is your purpose?
I have these two beautiful girls and I don't know.....
.... how to tell them that life is good and full of happiness when I don't see it myself.
.....how to tell them what do to do if they feel left out included or lonely becuase I still don't
.....how to tell them what to do when they feel less than
.....how to tell them what to do when people say they are your friends but then don't call, email, Facebook, talk to you in person, etc.
I'm struggling right now. I don't want it to impact them. I want them to be innocent and happy. I'm not trying to be prefect and happy all the time but I want to help them navigate life and how can I do that when I can't see through the clouds enough to see the path ahead?
God give me strength.
I just stumbled upon your blog at the mixer. I'm so sorry that you're sad. I've been there. And now I'm being treated for depression. Obviously I'm new here...so you may have posted about this before, but have you seen a doctor? I'm only a click away...http://graceful-disaster.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI haven't yet. I'm in the process of trying to find a counselor that it's a tool. I've gone to a few who seem so disinterested in actually helping me. Here's hoping.
DeleteIt is okay to be sad Emily, it is okay to feel less than perfect God made only one person perfect and He died for our sins. We need the dark days so we can enjoy the bright days, we need to give ourselves breaks from doing & trying to be everything. The pressures of life can really get to us moms but we have to just let some of it go sometimes and know we are loved regardless of how great or not great we are!! Hug those beautiful little girls and know YOU are their world and they love you!! Hang in there and let go of all those things you can not control give it to God ....He's got this!!
ReplyDeleteSending you love & prayers <3
Thanks, Janice. I sure am doing my best to do those things you said. It's just getting harder and harder. I know I need some professional help but that's hard too. Thank you for listening and being there.
DeleteIt is okay to be sad. But, how long does it last? Is it all the time? Is it just that you are home with the kids all the time? I wish I could be. I am at work all the time. I fight to leave on time so I can spend some time with my daughter at night, my husband and I seem like great coworkers running the company (household). But we connect on weekends and know that we appreciate each other during the week and can rely on each other. It is okay to be sad too. But, if it last too long or comes too often do go to a doctor. Menopause came early for me or at least some of the symptoms. I felt nostalgic constantly and it began to drive me nuts. I finally realized what it was and visited my docter.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, Katie. I think I do need to see someone and get some help. I have a problem with some of them being wastes- of -space.
DeleteI've been there. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you have what I think I had, which was post partum depression. I never did get treated for it, because there were just too many bad things going on in my life at the time (3 bad moves, moved from a province where I was finally starting to make real connections, we had to put my "baby" (dog) to sleep,my grandmother passed away, about 1 1/2 years later, my father passed away, our basement flooded twice, and a baby born with acid reflux who cried 16 hours a day), and I thought I felt the way I did because of all that.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the friends not connecting with you, the "friends" I thought I had when I left my home province, well, it turns out that maybe they were more my friends than I was their friend. They had already long since moved on. So, that it exactly what I did, after I figured it out, of course. Now, very slowly, I'm making new friends where we are, back in our home town/home province (state for you).
Personally, I would probably go see a doctor. I'm not saying you are going through a depression. It may be simply a hormone imbalance. It could be a variety of things. Just remember to treat your body well! Be good to it! Take care of it. And, I would recommend that perhaps you find a new friend, or two, that will be there for you the way you truly deserve it!
Hope I was some, tiny help!
Sue, I'm sure you're right. I had a bunch of crap happen a year ago and I think I've never been able to deal with it and I also agree that there is something going on with me hormonally. I'm trying to find some folks here to talk to( professionals) to help me out. I don't want this to impact my kids or my marriage.
DeleteEveryone is sad sometimes.When you're feeling so terrible just think of all the good things in life.Friends,family,job whatever.Everything is going to turn out just fine,and when it's over, you'll have gained an experience:)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Niki. I do try there are just some days that are harder than others.
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